Saturday, February 23, 2008

Various Insights

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends. - Douglas Feaver

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!' - Stephen Wright

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. - Dave Barry

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. - Jerry Seinfeld

A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it. - Marshall Mcluhan

Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who prattle and play to it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Baby’s room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some sleep, in which case baby’s room should be in Peru. - Dave Barry

For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour trying to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process. - Erma Bombeck

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door. - Jeff Foxworthy

Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten and given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren’t likely to argue about bedtime. - P.J. O'Rourke

The reason I’m not an alcoholic is I don’t like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you’re away from them, who needs it?. - Phyllis Diller

"You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. - Dave Barry

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